you know you're an english major when...

you open up a new document in word and it says, "document 13."
you procrastinate writing with doing other writing.
you no longer think forty pages is very long.
you start to talk about your characters like they are real people.
you are awake at 4:30 am three nights in a row, listening to adele and the sound of typing.
you decide that instead of researching for a senior seminar paper, you will write a blog post on the faults of the latest Harry Potter movie.

So, in an effort to prove to you that yes, I am an English major, let's talk about the Harry Potter movie.  Keep in mind I have only seen this once (yes I know I am very surprised too).  But here you go.

The movie was great--the dragon was fabulous, watching Helena Bonham Carter play Hermione was awesome, and let's be honest, Snape's death scene will definitely stay with me for a very long time.

But.

Here's the thing: they got the ending all wrong.  And yes, I am the first one in line to calm every book obsessed person down and tell them the movies and the books are completely separate entities.  They are going to be different, so we should just enjoy the movies without comparing them too harshly to the books. Nothing could be better than those books, ever.  There was really no hope.  But when they mess up the theme and central idea of the book, this is when I have to put my foot down.  Here are my issues:

Why on earth would Harry have gone up to Hermione and Ron and say, "Hey guys, sorry, but I've got to kick it, nice knowing you."  And then WHY would Hermione say, "I thought it might come to this.  Go on ahead, it's been real" and Ron just stare at him stupidly?  NEVER WOULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED.  Their love for Harry would have overcome their need to defeat Voldemort and they would have tried everything in their power to stop him. 

Neville was an actual hero in the books, and it seemed he was just in the right place in the right time in the movies.  Harry didn't tell him to kill the snake, he just killed it before it ate Ron and Hermione.  And yes, I'll be honest, I did feel rather more attracted to Neville than usual after that, but a huge part of why that was so impressive was because it played a more central role in the books.  He pulls out the sword cause he's Neville and he's snitchin'.  (You see, that is a play on the word bitchin...)  He then does what he knows needs to be done.  Yes, his act was still heroic, but he wasn't able to be appreciated by the crowd as a whole.  Also, his speech would not have been permitted by Voldemort.  Voldemort would have smacked a snitch before letting him rally the troops.  Though movie Voldemort was doing some pretty sketch things anyways, as he won the award when he gave Draco the world's most awkward hug ever.  And I'm including the hug/kiss between Michael Scott and Oscar from The Office.  So you know I mean business.

Harry's whole talk with Dumbledore in the station was all about how love will prevail, violence is not the answer, Harry will survive because of the love he has for his friends, and his friends will survive because Harry gave his life for them. Sacrifice for love and the effect that can have on people plays a huge role in the climax of the books.  Voldemort is effectively killed by his own spell, not by Harry's, and his death belongs to everyone, not just to Harry.  Everyone is there to celebrate and mourn and be relieved.  Everyone earned it. Everyone fought for it.  So I say again, Dumbledore just lectured Harry on the importance of love and the ineffectiveness of violence. So what, then, does Harry do upon returning to the mortal world?

That's right, he has a fist fight with Voldemort.  Nice, Warner Brothers.

Now, I say again, I understand that it is a movie and needs to be action packed and be cinematically impressive.  There definitely were enough special effects to impress me.  So that's fine.  Harry can have a fist fight with Voldemort, whatever.  I'll accept it.  But they needed to then end up in the great hall so they could have that scene where they circle each other and do some talking. These are books.  Both physically and metaphysically, the story is about the importance of words and feelings.  About how strength comes not from casting a spell but from friendship and love and acceptance and intelligence and brother(and sister)hood.  The climax of the series should not have been messed with.  I'm not entirely sure why it was.

Instead, Harry is all on his own when he kills Voldemort. This is just not correct.  Harry is not alone, nor is it his fight alone. Sure, he was the "chosen one," but everyone else was fighting just as hard.  There needed to be a sense of togetherness, a sense that it was bigger than just Harry, because it so was. But instead, Voldemort dies, and that's that. Harry then walks through the great hall, and all the people are just like, "oh hey harry, I hear you've killed Voldemort.  Well done, see you later."  Notice the lack of exclamation points.  There was no swell of emotion, no feeling that YES OMG HE'S FINALLY DEAD WE DID IT BUTTERBEERS ALL AROUND!  And yes, I realize that so many people died, but they have just won the war.  There would be more hugging.  Instead of a climax, it just ends.  He never vindicates Snape to the whole crowd, never explains anything to the room at large.

And why, oh why, would you ever leave out dialouge and tension that is this good?  If you are not interested in reading a section of the last pages, stop reading now.

"'Yeah, [Dumbledore's plan backfired], it did,' said Harry.  'You're right.  But before you try to kill me, I'd advise you to think about what you've done.... Think, and try for some remorse, Riddle....'
     'What is this?'
     Of all the things Harry had said to him, beyond any revelation or taunt, nothing had shocked Voldemort like this. Harry saw his pupils contract to think slits, saw the skin around his eyes whiten.
     'It's your one last chance,' saod Harry, 'it's all you've got left.... I've seen what you'll be otherwise.... Be a man... try... Try for some remorse....'
     'You dare--?' said Voldemort again.
     'Yes I dare,' said Harry, "because Dumbledore's last plan hasn't backfired on me at all.  It's backfired on you, Riddle.'
     Voldemort's hand was trembling on the Elder Wand, and Harry gripped Draco's very tightly.  The moment, he knew, was seconds away" (741-742).

This entire scene is absolutely amazing, right down to when Harry "saw the Elder Wand fly high, dark against the sunrise, spinning across the enchanted ceiling like the head of Nagini," and "the tumult broke around Harry as the screams and the cheers and the roars of the watchers rent the air.  The fierce new sun dazzled the windows as they thundered toward him" and he "could not hear a word that anyone was shouting, nor tell whose hands were seizing him, pulling him, trying to hug some part of him, hundreds of them pressing in, all of the determined to touch the Boy Who Lived, the reason it was over at last" (744). 

You see?  Why mess with that ending?  No idea, I just have no idea...

Lena, you'll still read the books someday, even though you know the ending, because it's so much more about the how than the what.

I once met a guy who told me his name was "George.  No wait, Tony,"
L.R. Ogden